Realisation

Realisation


I knew in that moment,

As I closed the car door

That I was closing the door

On the old me

The one who takes the crap

And makes it better.


I knew in that moment,

As you drove away

That you had a journey to make

That could only be made

By the person

Sitting behind the wheel.


I had faith in that moment

In the universe's strength

To make

Whatever needed to happen

Happen

For both of us.


We were given that moment

To pause and reflect.

To calm from your anger,

To rise from my perceived injustice,

And find the path

Of true togetherness.


So as I reflect on that moment,

12 days ago,

I realise that in staying silent

I broke the cycle,

Of you run, I rescue

Of you lead, I follow.


In that moment

I had expected more from you

Than to be considered weak, crazy

A bad parent

For asking you to stop...


It was an unrealistic expectation

From a heart so soft.


Because in that moment

That is what you saw.


Because in that moment

You did not see what had gone before

The way she struggled with her breath

But had the courage to protest

And fight for what you really meant

A father figure she'd so dreamt.


And thus in that moment

And the day after that

You made your decision

Without checking those facts,

The red mist had descended

And all that was, was that.


I realise in that moment

You saw what You saw

You didn't see Love hanging onto the door,

So I reflect on that fact

And wonder if you'll try to embrace

The true love that's staring right back at your face?


A Wensley

28.09.2024

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

At home in public houses

Poem 2 from my 'Home Soil' workshop with poet Olivia Douglass last week, was produced in response to an exercise which asked us to recall 3 phrases that reminded us of where we come from, and use them as the starting point for each stanza.  My mind took me to a dark place, but I went with it and read this to the group, feeling brave. So, as I share it with you now please note it comes with a trigger warning - alcohol/abuse. Please scroll on if you are affected by these issues. ------------------------------ At home in public houses "Let's pop in 'ere for one" Dad says, familiarly, To the car-load, our family, behind him. I watch the pub sign swaying to and fro Like something from a Western, or a drunk, Ominously threatening my sanity, A repetition of too many weekends out on Exmoor Gone before. "Where be to?" Dad gestures to go inside, So-called 'Adults', parents and grandparents,  'guardians' leading the way - To bar-stools and bar s
Read more

Home (2004-2024)

 Last week I attended a workshop with the poet Olivia Douglass for a project she is leading called 'Home Soil'. One of the exercises she led during the workshop empowered us to think about the concept of Home and to write a journey poem taking in our own home(s), starting from one and leading to another. This poem is the result of that encouragement, and another's. Home (2004-2024) Union Street: a terrace-tiny-rabbit hutch we called Home; Wedded at the front door, Separated by the back door, And a family in-between. Cash-starved happiness, mortgage payments and dreams. I had a marriage then, A job of work, A place to rest my head, But was it 'real life'? They say home is where the heart is - That concept changed, when you left. Single-working-mother to 4 and 5 year old girls, School time, no time, to be myself. I saved and I grew, Just like my two,  But in other ways. Thank the Lord for depression And children who need their Mothers  To set them a good example. Fiv
Read more

Summits

 Summits I was always described as a shy child at school, Never look you in the eye  Cry at the mere hint of conflict, Or praise. I grew up 'deficient'; misinterpreted, wronged. I felt a fire in me, Gathering fuel from the incidents That shaped me, Lighting a beacon for my self-esteem To warm my walked-over feet on dark nights. So, I set myself a goal To be able to talk,  Particularly in difficult situations;  To be heard  Without breaking down. I climbed that mountain, Up the path called assertiveness, Around the summit of self-expectation And do you know what I found? There's an echo. Because in finding my voice I cupped my hands and shouted to the world "This is me now!" But all that came back to me from others Was the echo of my former self. So I tried again To make my Self heard, Directing rather than shouting my voice  Down the valley of self confidence. And now I grow in the forest of self-reassurance. Oxygen-clear in tone, Whole-hearted in approach; Feelin
Read more